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Published On: June 18th, 2015

Kingfish Computer Servers Hacked By Mallards Front Office

Kenosha, Wis. – In light of the allegations being made against the St. Louis Cardinals for hacking into the Houston Astros’ network, the Kenosha Kingfish have learned that the Madison Mallards have similarly hacked into Kingfish computer servers. The Madison Mallards have leaked private information regarding the most sacred Kenosha Kingfish secrets via Facebook throughout the afternoon.  Kingfish GM Jake McGhee was formerly employed by the Mallards, and the Mallards allegedly exploited the previous relationship in order to hack McGhee and the Kingfish by determining the username and password to be “Kingfish” and “FatElvis” respectively. The Kingfish accuse the Mallards of unearthing and publishing the following company secrets:

  • Ticket salesman Dancing Elvi Tyler is actually related to Elvis Presley.
  • Jake McGhee has 6 pairs of shoes laying on his office floor and he actually can’t wear any due to an allergy to shoes.
  • King Elvis has tried 20 different diets the past two seasons to lose weight. Brats and cheese curds seem to be the only thing that actually works effectively.
  • Assistant GM Nick Heyerdahl is planning to make a run for the office of Mayor of the City of Kenosha.
  • The executive leadership team has been on time for only two meetings since the team formed in 2013.
  • Jake McGhee actually does live on the Twin Disc Bambino year round and that is not just a promotional idea for “Guaranteed Win Night.”

The Mallards front office has yet to comment on the allegations. The Kingfish, after reaching out to the FBI and local authorities and finding out that they couldn’t care less about this breach, are working with the local neighborhood watch groups for assistance.

The Kingfish ticket office powered by Platinum Systems office is located at 7817 Sheridan Road and is open from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Monday through Friday and from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. on Saturday. For more information on 7-game packs, season or group tickets, please log on to or call 262.653.0900.


The Kenosha Kingfish are a member of the finest developmental league for elite college baseball players, the Northwoods League. Playing its 22nd season of summer collegiate baseball, the Northwoods League is the largest organized baseball league in the world with 18 teams, drawing significantly more fans, in a friendly ballpark experience, than any league of its kind. A valuable training ground for coaches, umpires and front office staff, more than 115 Northwoods League players have advanced to Major League Baseball, including Cy Young Award winner Max Scherzer (WAS) and MLB All-Stars Chris Sale (CWS), Jordan Zimmermann (WAS), Curtis Granderson (NYM), Lucas Duda (NYM) and Ben Zobrist (OAK). All league games are viewable live via theNorthwoods League YouTube channel.  For more information, visit