I hire elves
They’re leaving the North Pole.
By Brian Colopy
It was a tough decision, but yes, I’m hiring Santa’s elves from the North Pole.
Now before you accuse me of ruining Christmas I want to paint a picture for you.
These elves are forced to live in harsh environments near ferocious polar bears, forced to wear those awful outfits, and work in glorified sweatshops for 14+ hours a day. And all of this so Santa can take the credit and put his name on the gifts each year?
I don’t know about you, but these elves and I are done with Santa.
So we’ve decided to offer a gift that lets families take back Christmas. And just in time for the Holidays.
If you're like me, holiday gift buying always stresses me out. Is it the right size? How do I do something different that they will like? Well, here's a gift idea for you, and that is our 5-game pack.
With the 5-game pack you get:
All-You-Can-Eat. You get all of the hot dogs, burgers, brats, chips, potato salad, cole slaw, soda and water you want for 5 innings. We even provide your own buffet tent to skip the lines.
Free Gifts. Receive a team jersey, hat, bobblehead & two other gifts all for free. ($75 value)
Our 5 Best Games. Fireworks nights, celebrities, America's Got Talent entertainment acts. Last year these weekend nights sold out. The only way to guarantee your seat at these games is with your 5-Game pack. (Dates chosen in December)
Ticket Exchange Program. You can exchange any unused tickets for tickets to another regular season home game of your choice.
Limited Availability. Our stadium only allows us to offer 750 of these packages per game and is not available for the single game buyer.
No-Hassle Renewal Program. Our ticket packages are automatically renewed which will guarantee your perks. If you wish to cancel at any time, just let us know. August 1st in the renewal date.
Highly Affordable. All of this will only cost you $13 per game. If you walked up the day of the game you'd pay $10 per ticket and not get any food or gifts. Options- $75 Box, $65 Bleacher
Payment Plan. We even have an easy payment plan that allows you to pay as you go.